Dealing With Death During The Holidays
25th December 2009 by admin No CommentsIt is very difficult to deal with the death of a loved one under the best of circumstances. Unfortunately, the death of a loved one during the holidays can cause compounded grief, as every celebration and family gathering is just a little more aggressive when it comes to highlighting the loss. Every belief system can be challenged when it comes to this issue and it’s one that gets more complex with varying situations.
The picture is easy to paint but hard to bear. You sit down next to the foam dog bed and look to the most innocent to bring joy to the holidays, shuffle through these feelings. When that doesn’t work you’re not sure whether you’re supposed to carry on or cancel the entire holiday. Often the answer lies not in man’s best friend’s silent answer, but in the rest of the family gathered around.
At no time do you have to pressure yourself into making the right decision. There isn’t one. Stocking stuffers like new baby bath toys and those neat little race cars can be hard reminders or a source of joy. The path is not one that comes with a good map.
Some people indicate that the decision can be made based on who it was that passed away. Not every family agrees with this and there can often be great arguments that crop up. The entire family needs to be able to come together and discuss the possible solutions and try to agree on the next right step in the process. There are often young children to think of, and young children do not always equate death with sadness because they do not completely understand.
Older children may dig their heels in when it comes to how they feel everything should be handled. Often older children are finding their political voice and they take strong positions on what they consider to be moral issues.
Even without children, many families can end up stuck regarding how to handle the grieving and the holiday. When two or more adult siblings try to come together to decide the best course of action you can often expect there to be disruption and arguing, which really isn’t very helpful in the end.
What about the gifts? Some people leave the gifts given by the deceased for another time. You may not know whether you’re supposed to return the cashmere sweater, the tickets to the game, or the latest kindle that you purchased or hold onto it and find another use for it later. Giving it to someone else is an option, but it might not be one you feel good about. Only your best inner voice can offer you guidance on personal decisions of celebration and the death of a loved one.
